Riding, Writing and Stopping Time

i think one of the reasons i discovered that i enjoy riding horses is because it forces my brain to slow down...or as a friend of mine put it, "to restart." i think. a lot. sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night, following a thought from a dream. i can solve all the problems of the world in the middle of the night...only to forget what brought me to such thinking the next morning.

when i am working on a project or find time alone, interruption is my arch nemesis. sometimes it is little voices that want. sometimes it is a husband who wants to know. and in that moment, i just want to stay behind the curtain. my mom was once the same way. when she wrote. interruption was her worst enemy too.

i do write a lot. and i wish that my writing was what i enjoyed, but the truth is i mainly write for classes. always working on a paper. it is one of the few activities where i enjoy the outcome more than the process. i was particularly proud of this paper i wrote last semester--it is about bibliographic control in relationship to the book GLUT. i know. yawn, right. to me, it was widely interesting. it took a huge amount of energy to put together that paper. and nobody will ever read it with the exception of my professor and me. but all that energy zaps me of motivation to write. anything.

back to riding. not writing.

i rode with my husband and father-in-law yesterday. it was cold and wet. we had to keep the horses from a fast pace so they would not slide on the wet ground. that would suck. for the first time riding, i felt the fear of almost having a horse "go out from under me." we were riding near some cattle and a cow snorted. it scared my horse and she jumped. i almost felt her want to bolt but i yelled, "WHOA!!" and pulled her reigns. she stopped. she really jumped. she still seemed spooked from that point on and a little resistant to my cues. a little while later i started riding her down a slope to a pond. we were riding past the house and my kids saw us through the window. they decided to yell, "hello" over and over again. my horse was not sure what was causing that racket as their yells were muffled and she could not see them. she stopped and started to fight me. she wanted to take off and i pulled her reigns. apparently i pulled up so much she started to walk backwards down the slope. i thought she might start slipping and sliding. i released the reigns and she took off toward the barn, but i was able to at least get her back to a walk. we were mad at each other. i dismounted and she bumped me with her nose and i lightly smacked her on the nose.

but in all this, i don't think. i just react.

when i am not about to be thrown from a horse, usually the ride is relaxing. if i can let go and just breathe my mind stops. i don't have to talk. i don't have to think. i communicate with the horse through movement and body language. just the occasional clicking of the cheek to go, and a "whoa" to stop.

i feel, when i am up on that horse, that my whole life is suspended. nothing matters. everything is so beautiful. majestic. even a very cloudy, wet and windy day.